Secret Admirer Syndrome
The secret part makes you a creeper.
Creeper
A person who does weird things, like stares at you while you sleep, or looks at you for hours through a window. usually a close friend or relative. you know right away if that person is a creeper or does creeper things. it is not hard to spot the creeper. — Urban Dictionary
Recently I was walking a friend to her car, and in the middle of the parking lot she said “where is my car?”
“Isn’t it that one over there?” I pointed to her blue Toyota, which had something on the hood.
“That can’t be my car, there’s something on top of that car.”
I took a closer look. Balloons!
“Yep, that’s your car for sure.” I knew right away. This girl is popular because she brightens every room she walks into. She treats everyone with such respect and sincerity some would think she is betraying her beauty.
Our parking lot is enormous, stadium like. So big that sometimes motorcycle rallies are held there.
From our distance, we could see something other than balloons on her car, but we could not see what it was. She began to get nervous. I began to laugh. As we approached, I saw that it was a half dozen roses, tied with balloons and a card.
Seeing this was like seeing the ghost of my creeper past. 20 years ago, that would have been my balloon and roses, obviously purchased at the nearest gas station. And the card?
It expounded on her endless beauty and virtue, a truth summarily accepted by everyone who knows her anyway. Oh, and of course, it was anonymous.
Her reaction was first to accuse me since I happened to be walking out with her that day. I deflected it with fierce conviction. “I do NOT buy flowers from convenient stores!” I argued vehemently. Once convinced it was not my doing, this poor girl began to panic and look around, as if in danger. The flowers and card found their way directly into the trash, and for the next week I could sense her nervousness as she tried to do her job in our crowded casino.
This was months ago and the culprit never revealed himself.
Secret Admirer Syndrome
When you are a kid, the idea of having a secret admirer is exciting and playful. But as you mature, and your ability to communicate and interact with the opposite sex develops, these types of mental games become obsolete.
It follows that those who continue to play these games have clearly not matured or developed the ability to properly interact with the opposite gender. It is only natural to disdain or fear such behavior.
I speak from experience. During my first year in college I tortured myself over a girl, never knowing how to approach her about my feelings. I shudder to think how many times I must have anonymously and unwittingly frightened her or put her in despair.
I remember vividly the day I came clean to her. She rejected me outright, and it destroyed me because I had let my feelings fester and strengthen for so long.
Moreover, it was precisely because of my awkward approach towards her, that she was this goddess above reproach, that doomed any hope of reciprocity. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This new incident brought back a flood of memories, and I began to do some analysis on how and why my behavior has changed so dramatically.
How to Approach Someone You Want
Begin with empathy. If you were to be approached by a troll, how would you prefer that troll approach you? You may not think of yourself as a troll, but surely there is at least one person on this planet that does, and that might just be the person you are about to approach.
Usually, the best method is smiling, laughing, joking, and light teasing. Even a troll doing these things is not so bad.
You also have to keep the other person on your level. No one is “out of your league” unless you put them there. No one is “on a pedestal” unless you put them there.
I clearly remember the day it clicked for me. I read or saw someone say that they never got so much attention from another as when they treated them as if they were a long time friend of the same gender!
Treat her as one of the boys initially, treat him as one of the girls initially.
If you can be genuine, authentic, and sincere towards them like you would your own close friends, you may be able to connect on some level. At the very least, you will not be hiding behind awkward anti-social behavior, and they will get to decide if they like the real you.
If things work out over time, you will be glad you were genuine from the start.
Thanks for reading! Please follow me on Twitter @sandfarnia.
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